On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
