Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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