I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
