Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
