listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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