i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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