Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
