please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize