You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
