How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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