So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
