just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
