If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
