ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
