What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
