I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
