ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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