I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize