I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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