if i can run in heels then i can drive
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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