i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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