if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
