there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
