Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
