It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
