Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
