I puked a lego.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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