I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
