Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
