I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
