Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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