My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
