So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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