sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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