started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
