I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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