So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
