White coat. Heels.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
