DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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