Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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