yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
