He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
