IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
