Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
