Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
