So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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