i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
