I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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