I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
