I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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