between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
