Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
