Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
