I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
