You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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