My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cut my penus on the lid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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