Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
