Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
