i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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