This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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