trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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