Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found puke in my bra..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
