At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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