my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
