Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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