You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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