i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
