I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
