the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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