can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
