She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
