he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
