i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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