Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
