Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
