Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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