I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
