either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
