so explain again why im purple
no
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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