she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the day after is always just damage control
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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