New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
