you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize