Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
