mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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