A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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